The Fecundity of Stuff
While many are worried about extinction rates and disappearing species, I’m here to tell you that there is a new species of life, currently unrecognized by science. Whether it is determined to be an invasive species will be left up to smarter people than me. This new species, Domesticus abominamentum, also known as “people stuff,” displays a fecundity that puts locusts to shame. In addition to being wholly dependent on and symbiotic with people, it also appears to display an accelerated adaptation cycle: just when it risks being made trite, it adapts itself into new forms that prove irresistible to its symbiote. It has spread itself to every climate and culture, and there’s not one subgroup of people who are immune to its allure: “Thus hath the candle singed the moth.”
D. abominamentum is particularly difficult to dislodge. Even when people move onto new forms of the species, its older adaptations remain. It does not decay, it does not break down, it does not form new D. abominamentum. It spawns from itself, to no purpose other than to spawn more. We like to pretend we have control over D. abominamentum, but both we and it know there is no controlling it.
I’ve found some pictures of D. abominamentum from this article in Business Insider. If you see D. abominamentum in the wild, I recommend you avoid looking it in the eye, otherwise it will worm its way deep into your reptilian brain and you won’t have any rest until you have it all.
Domesticus abominamentum in its natural habitat.